Valentine’s Day, honestly, has never been something I’ve celebrated besides dressing up my daughter in little girly hearts. My mother made Gaia this adorable dress, but it’s a little big and I have yet to fix it. (Right after this, I promise. I actually have other things to do on the sewing machine today, so that’ll be my inspiration.)
Today though, I’m celebrating a different way. I’m participating in the Valentine’s Day Online Facebook Nurse-In. “Despite a policy change, Facebook is continuing to target and harass women by removing their photos and suspending their accounts. There is a point at which Facebook will no longer be able to ignore the roar of so many voices lifted in unison. Please add your voice!” I actually feel very strongly about breastfeeding and get upset on a regular basis having friends’ photos removed. I’m more than happy to add my voice to the cause!
I uploaded and entire album of all the breastfeeding photos I could find, save for some strait up “mom chilling with boob out just in case baby wants some” photos. Tehe. I actually formatted my SD card about a year ago on accident, erasing all the pictures I had from Gaia’s infancy. The few I do have I’ve saved from my Photobucket and MySpace accounts. Thank god I uploaded everything back in the day or I’d be so depressed.
Gaia is always my Valentine. Before she was born I didn’t really know what love was. I was a wreck, to put it lightly. She has taught me so many important aspects of life I would have otherwise missed out on. I am utterly grateful for her existence in my life. Love love LOVE my baby girl. ♥
Hutch and I don’t take very many photos. I’m not sure why, but I think it’s mostly my fault for always feeling like I didn’t dress up for the occasion. This one is from New Years and Hutch likes this photo I took on my laptop. I hate the glare on my glasses and the fact that my hair is so poofy, but whatever. As you can see we’re happy and that’s the point. Yes?
How did we meet? Hutch and I actually went to high school together and had several mutual friends. We have memories from the same parties, but we never actually spoke to one another. Actually, to tell you the truth, there was this stupid group of assholes who hated me in high school (because I was cooler than them) and I was secret on-the-side friends with two people who associated with those bastards. I assumed Hutch was just like the others and so I just didn’t talk to him. As we got older I started going to parties and such and actually became a really good friends with some of these kids. Hutch and I still never talked though. It wasn’t until he, myself, and one of the mutual friends all moved to Central Florida (with our families… total coincidence) and started hanging out. I remember being weary at first because those kids, the Gulf Punx, were really mean to me in high school. But it all worked out because once Hutch and I started actually talking the connection was unavoidable.
A brief interruption… I broke up with my then-boyfriend to be with Hutch, but about 4 days after we decided to go official I found out I was pregnant. I was 19 and young and decided to go back and do the family thing. I had Miss Gaia, got married, and settled for a year and a half. I didn’t really talk to Hutch this entire time for obvious reasons. It wasn’t until I sunk into a depression due to the neglect my husband was showing me that I even thought about seeking companionship with anyone else. At first it was completely innocent, but my husband was very clear on his inability to love me and so I kind of just said “screw it” and rolled with it. I decided to take Gaia and split with my husband. Hutch moved in with us and everything was fine. I was upset that I didn’t have the family I imagined, but with Hutch by my side I found happiness.
So why are we apart then? Yeah yeah. If you asked Hutch he’d say I was being dumb. My mom might say something similar. I’m not sure what my husband would say, but I try really hard every day to not hate him. My husband had a girlfriend who was the exact opposite of me. I guess when it didn’t work out he assumed that he needed me again. He’s the father of my child, and because of that I was weak. I really wanted this portrait of a happy family. So I left Hutch last June and came back. It was only a matter of days before I realized it was all some kind of trick. My husband promised to try harder, etc. It’s not his fault that he didn’t love me, so I don’t blame him for that. You live you learn; life’s full of lessons. Hutch moved in with his parents in Tampa to transfer jobs and start school. My [soon to be ex-]husband is transferring to the Tampa office in May and will be getting a place over there. Gaia and I will get a place with Hutch and pursue happiness once more. I’ll be talking more about all this as it gets closer, of course.
Why I love him: Hutch is the nicest guy I’ve ever met. He’s not afraid to spoil me in snuggles or keep me stress levels down by feeding my addiction to back rubs. He loves food almost as much as I do… He works in a bakery so he understands the importance of desert. He’s patient, open, and honest. He’s nerdy like me, so we constantly learn and share knowledge. He’s great with my daughter. He’s comfortable, and he makes me feel comfortable in situations that would normally make me nervous. He’s always supportive of a good game plan. He knows that happiness is made up of moments and it’s up to each person to make those moments matter.
I’ve got it bad, folks.
I look forward to our future together and all the lovely struggles life has in store for us. I know together we can conquer the world.