It’s not really that funny when it happens, but in retrospect I suppose it can be viewed as rather hilarious. My video game nerd friend in North Carolina finds it hilarious and I’m surprised she doesn’t start every Skype conversation with “What did you pee on today?”
Let me begin by explaining that I do my kegels. I have been doing kegels since before I needed to do kegels. It took me only 36 minutes to push out my first baby and I’m told that’s rather impressive. I never peed my pants until after that though, and even then I got my ability to not do so by stepping up my kegels.
This time around people are reminding me about kegel muscles because apparently subsequent children are more of a stress on your pelvic floor. No problem. I do kegels all the time. I’m doing them right now!
So let me tell you some stories about how kegels don’t matter when it comes to peeing your pants when you’re pregnant.
The first time it happened I was about 13 weeks along or so. I was still int eh “morning sickness” phase which was triggered by intense heartburn in the morning due to having an empty stomach. I needed to pee, but I also needed to puke. The puking seemed a little more important and I thought I could hold my bladder for a minute so I stood in front of the sink gagging in my underwear and it happened. I peed all over myself. And then I started to cry because those were my last pair of clean underwear.
I think I’ve mentioned this next one briefly, but here’s the whole enchilada since we’re on the subject. We were driving up to Ohio for the holidays and it was the Friday before Christmas so I completely understand why we got stuck in traffic so often. We were just driving along celebrating our venture into Kentucky and Gaia and I decided we should stop soon because both of us had to go potty. Of course that same minute is when traffic completely stopped. And we waited. We didn’t move at all and I was sucking on cough drops like no other. (I was recovering from the flu and still had a cough.) Gaia managed to hold hers for the entire hour we were in park on the highway, but me? No way. I coughed about 40 minutes in and peed my pants. We stopped at exit 11 where I had to change. Thankfully it wasn’t enough to soak my seat, or I may have cried then, too.
And now, at 30-ish weeks, I’m ashamed to admit that I have to change my underwear all the time. Laundry day is no longer determined by the amount of dirty clothes that have piled up. Now laundry day is determined by how many pairs of clean underwear mommy has left.
It’s okay guys… I do my kegels!