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Confession: I hate children.

Yes, I hate children. My own flesh and blood are, of course, an exception to this rule. I love my children to death and view them as perfect human specimen. But generally speaking, I hate children.

Okay there’s another exception: infants. I love babies. That is how I can still tolerate to dream of being a midwife and learning all I can about early parenting. Squishy little babies are freaking adorable, there’s no denying it. But once they learn to walk and talk… forget it.

I think children are disgusting. They have excessive saliva, pick their nose and leave boogers everywhere, and get so dirty when given an ounce of freedom. With my own children I can get puked on and clean up the most explosive diapers known to man. Other kids? Yeah… I gag. And if you’re eating? Seriously, get those grimy little hands away from me.

I think children are irritating. Most of the time they’re bossy and inconsolable. They cry over situations that are entirely their fault. Sometimes even my own five-year-old presses my buttons. If I had to deal with a bunch of tiny terrorists that I didn’t give birth to I’d probably explode.

I have a handful of mom friends whose children I don’t mind so much. Most of my acceptance of other people’s children in my life is mainly due to the fact that I need mom friends. I have learned to be very good at faking tolerance. You have to be a very special mom to get this kind of repeated treatment. Or you can have little adult children… those are alright, too.

Non-mom friends are okay, but they don’t generally understand little things. I had a non-mom friend for like 5 years whom I met before Gaia was born and who actually was my on-call babysitter while I as working as a doula for Gaia’s early life. She’s was very accepting of my hectic mom life and she loved Gaia. However, once she was blessed with her own child she had a change of heart. Although our parenting styles are on the opposite sides of the spectrum, I kind of miss her. Do I miss her enough to deal with her nearly two-year-old? No. I’m sorry I do not.

So I suppose all this means I am meant to be alone forever. Good thing I have a fiance who understands me and hilarious children of my own to entertain me.

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  1. The noise drives me absolutely batty!

    • Oh I hate noise, too. Even in my own house… I’m constantly telling my daughter to do quieter activities.

  2. I can’t handle bratty kids… I have to remind myself that it’s not their fault… it’s their parents 🙂

    • Parks are terrifying for me. I’ve had other kids hit my daughter, snatch, push her out of line for the slide. I shouldn’t have to spend half my park time scolding other people’s kids.

  3. Other people’s children can be tough to tolerate. I love babies and my own kids for sure. I’m not too good with them being loud just for the sake of being loud though.

    • My ex and I were just talking about this. His girlfriend has a son a year older than my daughter. Alone they are each generally good kids, but together they are insane! He says it’s hard to remind them to be quiet while they are together. It’s like they constantly have to have a contest over who can scream louder.

  4. The other day my 5 y/o was playing in the yard. I saw him trying to climb the fence, because he through his ball over it. I told him to get off that fence and to go up to his room right now! He let out a shriek. I mean it sounded like someone was murdering him. As he came up the deck, his hands covered in dirt he grabbed my hand and stomped his foot down. “Mamma I don’t want to go inside!” Shriek….another shriek tore through the universe and I swear my ear drums popped! My consolation? Knowing he was going to his birth mom in a few days, only for the cycle to repeat itself.

    How do they make that shriek? How can it resonate the way it does? A secret part of me yearns for a baby of my own, and then the part that sees them all grown up into toddlers and children just wants to make me give them back? Are we horrible moms? Absolutely not. Are we horrible women? Nope! We just don’t like children, doesn’t mean we don’t love them…our own at least!

    • I feel bad because I feel like my hatred for children robs my daughter of interaction with other children because I blow off meet ups and play dates for fear of dealing with all the obnoxious noises. Those shrieks are horrible for sure.

      I know I’m not a bad mom. Thank you for reminding me. It’s just a surprise to everyone because I love birth so much… as if the mothering in me has to love all little human creations.

  5. I, child care provider, hate other peoples children. How horrible is that? I went to school to take care of children, until 3 months I was watching 5 other children, yet, I can’t stand them. All because I have children of my own. Needless to say I am reeducating myself so I don’t have to watch other peoples children.

  6. I feel your pain, and can take it one or two steps further… I have never liked children and ma never having them. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say I hate them, but I babysat once when I was 14 and knew I never wanted kids. That feeling has never left me.

    I can enjoy other people’s children for about 10-15 minutes and then I am so happy when they move on 🙂 My one exception is my niece… I can tolerate her for about 1/2 a day and then I need a break!

  7. lol I completely agree……

  8. I hear you! Hate is a strong word, so I won’t say I hate other people’s children, but I definitely have a low tolerance level. I think it is because I am very independent and like doing things my own way!

    • I think hate might be too strong when being real about my actual feelings. It was an exaggeration of sorts, though I come very close at times.

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