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The big three-oh.

I don’t know why turning thirty is a big deal. I can’t tell you why I have some remorse because I don’t have a luxurious trip to New Orleans planned, or at least a crazy night out with a sash surrounded by people buying me insane amounts of alcohol to consume. But I do know that I don’t feel thirty.

Don’t get me wrong; I know I’m still young and there’s plenty of life to live. I also know that in a lot of ways my life has just begun.

The past year has been an amazing turn around for our family. I started the year in my internship and I worked with some amazing teachers, passed all my exams, and graduated. Then I basically landed my first choice position at an amazing school. Challenging? Yes, of course. But oh so amazing. Plus, financially we are at a place we’ve never even touched before. It is so rewarding to have a purpose in my career and provide for my family all at once.

And yet turning 30 has me at a place where, despite it all, it doesn’t feel like enough.

By thirty I’m supposed to have a clear definition of success and be on a solid path. But I’ve technically been a whole adult for less than a year… It’s very scary sometimes to look around and be responsible to make so many decisions in a single day that matter oh-so very much.

I’m still learning and growing. And that’s okay, I guess. But let’s just say that I totally understand what a mid-life crisis feels like.

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